A Different Christmas

It's Christmas morning, and I am sitting in our dark living room with Scarlett snoozing by my side. Michael is still in bed because I guess there's no real reason to get up when there's no children tugging at you to wake up and see what Santa has brought them! I would be lying if I told you this time of year is truly one that makes me want children - it's the rest of the year that I need convincing! This Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas. It doesn't resemble the Christmas they show in movies, and it doesn't feel like the many years of Christmas I have experienced in the past. We have been so busy with life, and we knew we were moving at the end of this month so we decided against putting up a Christmas tree. There are no presents in pretty wrapping paper either. Our presents will be new furniture and a memory foam mattress. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about a new bed, but the sound of paper shredding and bows being ripped off giant boxes sounds a little more like Christmas morning! There's no room full of family centered around a giant table waiting on Christmas dinner, hurrying up to devour a meal that took hours to prepare because everyone knows opening presents comes right after dessert. It's just Michael and me with our two steaks, a sweet potoato for each of us, some green beans, and our individually wrapped desserts we picked up yesterday at Whole Foods. Sure, I'm a little sad because Christmas this year isn't Christmas like I have always known it to be. I think there will always be a piece of me that will be sad on Christmas because my parents are divorced now, though I know that their separation is a good decision the other 364 days of the year. Knowing Michael no longer gets to celebrate Christmas with his dad also makes this day difficult. Our quiet Christmas this year makes his absence more real to me today. The point I am slowly getting to is that for the first time in my life, I have not experienced Christmas like everyone around me seems to be experiencing it. This is not a Christmas that would be featured in a hit holiday movie or sung about in a Christmas Carol because there is no Christmas Tree or lights, no family centered around a ham and pumpkin pie, and no children waiting impatiently for Santa to eat his milk and cookies. It is Michael, Scarlett, and me in our little apartment on a quiet rainy day, and I am writing while Michael sleeps Christmas morning away! BUT...here is the good part - just because we are not experiencing the grand Christmas we are supposed to be having or have had in the past, I believe we have both experienced something a little more meaningful. For the first time in our marriage, Michael and I went to church to celebrate Christmas. It was an amazing service that spoke to the essence of what I have been feeling lately. Our pastor explained that no matter what type of Christmas you celebrate, the Christmas season always heightens feelings of stress, loneliness, and disconnection. (I have been feeling a lot of loneliness lately)! And so perfectly he pointed out that the night Jesus was born, everyone in the Christmas story was also experiencing loneliness, isolation, and stress. Mary and Joseph were both away from home and exausted from traveling. To add to their isolation and to Mary's pain, there was no one to take them in for the night and give them a comfortable place to rest and for Mary to give birth. They were alone in the world about to give birth to a king in no other place but a manger (I don't know about you, but this is the time for me to stop complaining about my Christmas this year)! I have never thought about the Christmas story this way, and I never realized how lonely of a story it is for all involved - it is not a glamorous baby story and the sermon taught me that God did this on purpose. Though Mary and Joseph were all alone in this stressful situation, God was there the entire time, ensuring the safety and security during the most important birth in history. Not even a king experienced a birth like most of us have experienced; he was born in some very desolate conditions, but God delivered Him to safety and to save us! This Christmas, I am realizing that no matter how my ideas and expectations of Christmas make me feel because I am not with my family and have no presents to open, God is right here and I am thankful to be getting closer to him every day. He has given me a best friend to share my life with and a wonderful baby girl who I have the pleasure of cuddling and walking every day! It's a struggle for me not to let my loneliness get the best of me, but this Christmas I am realizing that God is my family, and he will never leave me. That's a pretty awesome Christmas gift!!! No matter what type of Christmas you are having this year, I hope you are all blessed! This is a day to remember the true purpose of this life and the gift we have all been given - the birth of Jesus Christ!