Friday, April 4, 2014

Do All Moms Go Through This?

We are 12 weeks and 2 days into being parents.   It doesn't seem real.  It feels like ages have come and gone since we found out we were expecting.  Honestly, it's almost too much for me sometimes.  I love being a mom, but all this change is harder than advertised.  I've cried a lot in the past year, thinking over and over "what have we gotten ourselves into?" I wonder if this is normal and if all moms go through this.

Is it normal to be this stupid?  I have literally lost millions of brain cells...I'm sure of it.  I must have delivered them along with Noah the day he was born because they are gone.  I forget everything.  I never used to write anything down, but these days I need to tape notes to my forehead.  I think God designed it this way, or we would all be only children.

Let's talk about body odor.  I'm just going to put it out there.  For weeks, I smelled like Taco Bell.  The combination of hormones, sweat, and baby puke that covered me daily (and still does) made me crazy.  The first thing I want to do every morning is take a shower, but then I wake up to the reality that a shower isn't possible til Noah has been fed, burped, played with, changed then rocked back to sleep.  But by that time I'm starving, so I drink half of my luke warm cup of coffee, slam some hard boiled eggs down my throat, get ready to jump in the shower, get naked, and he starts crying again.  Stinky clothes get put back on, and we start the whole process again.  Showers are a luxury.  I get it now.

Breastfeeding makes me feel like I'm starving to death all the time.  But these days, the only person who gets a world class meal around here is Noah...6 to 8 times a day.  Enough said.

I love that we all measure how good our babies are by the number of hours they sleep.  Every day someone asks me, "Are you getting any sleep? or How's Noah sleeping? or Is Noah sleeping through the night yet?"  Sleep deprivation is the hardest part of this journey for me, and I hate that question.  Though I must confess, I ask it myself because deep down I want other mothers to be suffering with me.  Isn't that terrible?!

Before I became a mom, I made fun of other moms who complained about getting out of the house with a baby.  Don't worry, I get it now.  Most days I prefer to be trapped at home if it means I don't have to get myself ready, get Noah dressed, pack his diaper bag and go over and over the items I may need, load the car, and put him in his car seat just to go to the store.  It is ridiculous!  I also have a fear of him screaming in public, and I can't get him to stop.  I need to get over that because it's going to happen.  But I don't like it.  I'd rather stay home :)

We cannot plan anything with friends.  We are at Noah's mercy, and we will see you when we get there.  We may be two hours late, but I'm not waking up my sleeping baby.  I didn't get this when we weren't parents either.  And forget about making plans for anything in the morning.  It takes me hours to get to where I'm going most days if Noah is in tow.

A few more things...
I will never look at my body or my boobs the same way again
I cannot get over the amount of laundry one little human creates
I lose it if Scarlett or Michael make a peep while Noah is asleep
The fascination with poop may never end
The constant comparison and mommy guilt is real, and it sucks
I may sadly be considering a one-piece this summer
A night alone with Michael is so far away
The responsibility of making decisions on behalf of a human being I love is scary

But...
When I hold Noah in my arms, and he looks up at me with his gummy grin, I would do it all over again.  These moments of pure joy keep me going, and I know the hard times shall pass.

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