Do All Moms Go Through This?

We are 12 weeks and 2 days into being parents.   It doesn't seem real.  It feels like ages have come and gone since we found out we were expecting.  Honestly, it's almost too much for me sometimes.  I love being a mom, but all this change is harder than advertised.  I've cried a lot in the past year, thinking over and over "what have we gotten ourselves into?" I wonder if this is normal and if all moms go through this.

Is it normal to be this stupid?  I have literally lost millions of brain cells...I'm sure of it.  I must have delivered them along with Noah the day he was born because they are gone.  I forget everything.  I never used to write anything down, but these days I need to tape notes to my forehead.  I think God designed it this way, or we would all be only children.

Let's talk about body odor.  I'm just going to put it out there.  For weeks, I smelled like Taco Bell.  The combination of hormones, sweat, and baby puke that covered me daily (and still does) made me crazy.  The first thing I want to do every morning is take a shower, but then I wake up to the reality that a shower isn't possible til Noah has been fed, burped, played with, changed then rocked back to sleep.  But by that time I'm starving, so I drink half of my luke warm cup of coffee, slam some hard boiled eggs down my throat, get ready to jump in the shower, get naked, and he starts crying again.  Stinky clothes get put back on, and we start the whole process again.  Showers are a luxury.  I get it now.

Breastfeeding makes me feel like I'm starving to death all the time.  But these days, the only person who gets a world class meal around here is Noah...6 to 8 times a day.  Enough said.

I love that we all measure how good our babies are by the number of hours they sleep.  Every day someone asks me, "Are you getting any sleep? or How's Noah sleeping? or Is Noah sleeping through the night yet?"  Sleep deprivation is the hardest part of this journey for me, and I hate that question.  Though I must confess, I ask it myself because deep down I want other mothers to be suffering with me.  Isn't that terrible?!

Before I became a mom, I made fun of other moms who complained about getting out of the house with a baby.  Don't worry, I get it now.  Most days I prefer to be trapped at home if it means I don't have to get myself ready, get Noah dressed, pack his diaper bag and go over and over the items I may need, load the car, and put him in his car seat just to go to the store.  It is ridiculous!  I also have a fear of him screaming in public, and I can't get him to stop.  I need to get over that because it's going to happen.  But I don't like it.  I'd rather stay home :)

We cannot plan anything with friends.  We are at Noah's mercy, and we will see you when we get there.  We may be two hours late, but I'm not waking up my sleeping baby.  I didn't get this when we weren't parents either.  And forget about making plans for anything in the morning.  It takes me hours to get to where I'm going most days if Noah is in tow.

A few more things...
I will never look at my body or my boobs the same way again
I cannot get over the amount of laundry one little human creates
I lose it if Scarlett or Michael make a peep while Noah is asleep
The fascination with poop may never end
The constant comparison and mommy guilt is real, and it sucks
I may sadly be considering a one-piece this summer
A night alone with Michael is so far away
The responsibility of making decisions on behalf of a human being I love is scary

But...
When I hold Noah in my arms, and he looks up at me with his gummy grin, I would do it all over again.  These moments of pure joy keep me going, and I know the hard times shall pass.

Happy 2 Month Birthday Noah!

On Saturday, March 8, Noah turned 2 months old.  I still have to pinch myself and make sure we aren't living in some alternate universe...this thing they call parenthood has been a whirlwind!  Some days are really really hard, but at least someone in this house is starting to warm up to the little guy!

I think they will be the best of friends soon!

My Little Prince -

You have grown so much this month!  I love your plump little legs!  Your hair is growing back in, and it looks like it may be reddish blonde, but we can't tell just yet.  You definitely have your Daddy's hairline!  You are still barely wearing NB clothes, but you are now in size 1 diapers.  Your personality is starting to really shine, and you smile at Mommy and Daddy so much these days. I love the new sounds you make every day.  You kick your legs and are constantly moving, and you are doing really great at holding up your head.  You have slept 7 hours a night a few times, but you still wake up at least once most nights.  You are officially sleeping in your own room, which was really hard for Mommy, but you are a noisy sleeper.  You are still sleeping in your Rock n Play for now because it's so cozy.  You love taking naps in your swing.  You went to the grocery store for the first time this week, and you nursed in public for the first time.  We are rebels! ha!  You love going on walks, but you hate it when the sun gets in your eyes.  You have found your hands and are loving to stick them in your mouth every chance you get.  Mommy went back to work, and your Nana came and stayed with you for a few days.  Nana left and your Gimmie and Aunt Donna came, so you got extra loving last week.  Mommy loved having family around since Daddy has been working so hard.  Now that the time has changed and the days are longer, Daddy will be home to go on walks with us in the evenings.  We love you so much Noah Sean, our little prince!

Six Weeks In

We are six weeks in to this new life we have created with Noah.  Boy is it a journey!  What a blessing our little boy Noah is to us, and we love him so much.  I would do it all over again, even with the lack of sleep and the complete change from our former lives!

With that said, I could do without getting peed on, and it would be awesome not to change pajamas 3 times a day because I am drenched in sweat and spit up or I smell like sour milk...oh yeah or he peed on me again.  He has several costume changes a day as well.  I would love to eat a meal without jamming food down my throat or without feeding him at the same time.  I'm amazed at how I've learned to nurse and cook and eat at the same time.  When we are both starving, I have to do something!  The laundry gets out of control with all of the spit up, pee and poop...seriously out of control.  I wish I could remember what time it is, what day of the week it is, what date it is, what I did yesterday, what I did this morning, who I talked to this morning, and what we talked about!  I seriously can't remember a thing!  Going anywhere is an ordeal, so it's just easier to stay at home at this point.  And whoever said sleep when the baby sleeps is insane.  I need that time to hose myself off, feed myself, get a load of laundry done or catch up on Facebook to see what the rest of the world is doing.

Maybe your aren't supposed to say it, but being a mom to a six week old can be mind numbing, isolating and frustrating.  It's hard working for a very demanding little human who needs me every hour of every day.  There are no nights off!   But, I admit, I love that he needs me every hour of every day, and I love nursing him and being the one who can provide for him.  It's true that all frustration fades when he looks up at me with his big blue eyes.  The other night, I was nursing him and tears began to flow down my face because he's perfect, and there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I've never felt before.  I believe it was that soul wrenching feeling of love a mom has for her child.  That love that will cause her to go insane and to do anything in her power to protect her child.  

I know this is all new, and I'm only six weeks in, and I'm exhausted.  But this is what I was meant to do.  This is the season I'm in.  It's not what I wanted for myself even a year ago, but it's what God wanted.  I believe that with all my heart.  And I am happy, beyond blessed, and very excited about watching our little man grow up.  This week he grew out of Newborn diapers, and he might as well have gone off to college in my eyes!  Ha!  I'm not sure that will ever change...