A Year Later

Today, I took a look back at some of my posts when I began blogging last year. Boy! I had a lot of time on my hands! I blogged a lot! Much of what I wrote seems like it happened so many years ago, which makes me realize how much change we have been through in such a short amount of time. It's been almost a year since I took the flight I was dreading terribly, and I am already anticipating another flight in a few months for our anniversary. I don't even feel nervous! It was interesting to read over the blogs about my struggles with anxiety and panic disorder. It's obvious I was going through some rough days there for a while! I was also doing a lot of soul searching when I began writing. I'm not much different now, to be honest. I'm still doing some soul searching, and I still have anxiety, but something in my life is different.

Our lives are no less chaotic than they were a year ago; in fact, here recently, I believe we've gone through a lot. We have been living in Birmingham, AL, since June after making a decision to move here so Michael could begin his career in athletics and I could begin my dream job in PR. We were both so excited to move here for better jobs and to be around many of our friends who have known Michael since high school and who were a part of our wedding. Soon after we moved here, the honeymoon was sort of over, and I realized my job was more of a nightmare. I was so disappointed in myself! I went to work everyday miserable, but I felt so guilty because I was mostly to blame for moving us here.

In the meantime, we started attending church regularly for the first time in our marriage. Many of our friends attend this church, and I immediately loved it. The music takes some getting used to if you aren't into contemporary worship, but the messages have always been great. The more we went to church, the more I felt my relationship with God strengthening. With church came a small group bible study, a daily quiet time, a stronger marriage, and a better relationship with God. My relationship with God grew as the difficulties at work grew, and I could not imagine how life would have been if it were simply me trying to deal with everything without a little help from the man upstairs!

For a few months, life was hard, and I questioned why we were here. But as time unraveled, I quickly realized that we weren't in Birmingham for jobs, we were here because it's where God wanted us to be, I believe for several reasons. He wanted us here to be with friends, to take care of a house that was going to need some TLC, to learn to budget, to strengthen our marriage, to seek our purpose in both our personal lives and in our careers, and most importantly to find a place where we would grow closer to Him.

Early November, my friend Jamie called me out of the blue to tell me her company was hiring, and she thought I would be great for the job since it required a person who likes to talk to people. Her company is a sales tax auditing firm full of accountants and numbers people. I sort of blew her off to be honest, I've been around some accountants, and they can be really crazy and really scary!!!! I'm a word person for heaven's sake! But I was desperate, and I thought "what the heck!" I sent her my resume but never heard a thing. My mom came to visit me over Thanksgiving, and she saw how stressed I was about my job. The whole week she was here, I was more worried about a stupid brunch I had planned for early December, and I couldn't even enjoy myself. Yes, I was miserable, and I was making my mom miserable too! By the time she left, I knew I had to find a new job. I planned to call a temp agency first thing the next week. I did a lot of praying that weekend, but after talking it over with Michael, we decided to my dismay that I should stick it out for a few more months. I had accepted my fate and went unhappily to work the next day. Two days later, I received a text from Jamie saying that the person originally hired for the job I applied for didn't work out and I was asked to come interview. That week, I experienced the shortest interview of my life and was hired the same day. Before I could catch my breath, I had made the decision to give up the job I had worked so hard to get to, the job that was going to take me places, and accepted a job as an audit coordinator scheduling sales tax audits! In a million years, I never would have guessed a girl like me who is still terrified of numbers would be working at an auditing firm and loving every minute of it! It is the best job I have ever had, and it is the only place I have worked where everyone gets along and truly cares about each other. It's right where God wanted me to be!

So a year later, when I look back at some of my posts about soul searching and anxiety, I still feel like I am the same person who struggles with finding who I am while dealing with anxious days...but there is one fundamental difference. I have a deeper sense of gratitude, a stronger faith in God, and a better sense of self that makes life a little less fearful when dealing with the change and chaos that comes our way.

If you were to ask me where I have loved living the most since Michael and I got married, I would have to say Birmingham, Alabama because it's the place I began the journey towards a strengthened relationship with God! For now, this is exactly where He wants us to be!